Zombie World

Listless, I could not write or read anything of substance except to do google searches about feeling flu-ish with a stuffed up nose, dry cough, an even drier throat, and loss of appetite. These symptoms put a stop to me smoking weed. Initially, I didn't want any, but a few days without marijuana or cannabis, I was living in a zombie world. My inner dialogue, which is helpful or prosecutorial at times, and that small voice of intuition and sagely wisdom were silenced. It’s as if the authentic part of me had annihilated itself. Creatively emptied and spiritually closed off a void had replaced my imaginative sources. In this state of non-being you'd think Donald Trump would be tolerable, but I stopped following the news about him, his crowd, their corruption and power grabs. I didn't want to talk to anyone, either. People began to get on my nerves, especially the narcissistic type. They act as if they're doing you a favor when the spotlight briefly drifts towards you. My solitude was a comfort. However, Valentine’s Day seemed an abomination. You cannot escape it. Symbols of our collective myth of romantic love are everywhere. Ugh! Nevertheless, love and to be loved have an extremely strong tug on your soul these days. Consequently, I knew the challenge was to find my way back from zombie into a more balanced life

A form of psychological equilibrium is when your inner universe pours into the everyday, work world, and vice versa. It is where the mundane meets the realm of personal archetypes in order for the miraculous to occur in daily life. Instead of being annoyed by people accompanied by self loathing, you now can love others and yourself in a wholesome, fruitful way. Presumably, this is the opposite of the dull life of the walking dead. I was finding out more and more about this in real time. I already knew something about the return from death. For most of my life I avoided zombie movies but did watch “The Night of the Living Dead” when it was first released. As a university student, I studied magic and the dark arts from an anthropological perspective. A few years later, I was left for dead when a perfect stranger violently attacked me. “My Random Death - A Memoir” is my story of being "twice-born" which is a different result than becoming a zombie. The book is available on-line through Amazon or Barnes & Nobles. Click here for links: myrandomdeath.com

Speaking for myself, marijuana is a vehicle to my creative sensibilities and it’s absence left me a zombie, and a "couch-potato". Go figure! Most people become a slouch after smoking lots of heavy pot. My only desire was to watch football games, film noir, martial arts or mysteries movies, and crime dramas. The good news is my night dreams became more vivid than vague. Some were melodramatic romances with attractive, somewhat familiar men, and the thriller-kind where I am lost in an unknown city and lose my wallet or cell phone, or people chase me through a strange building. However one dream did stand out. Whereas the others occurred as night scenes and indoors, in this particular dream it was dusk, the time between light and darkness and my favorite. Also, it took place outside in beautifully colored, yet melancholy landscapes as I traveled around a strange country in a car with a fat man and a former law student of mine.

Anyway, the relatively empty state of my inner being remained the same for about a month. Without too many distractions the isolation enabled me to listen to my body and heal. At the onset of the illness, breathing was extremely difficult. A humidifier was ordered and delivered at 8:30 the next morning and my stuffed up nose, the cough, and dry throat were gone, eventually. I figured "weed" will not harm me. In my head, I listed the reasons to light-up again; in California it is legal, during the Covid shut downs pot stores were declared essential and they remained open for deliveries and curb side services, and so on. This quiet pep talk assured me my inner dialogue was on the mend too. It made me happy and certainly ready for a puff.

Almost immediately after taking a toke my intuition kicked in and informed me there was a critical error in my previous Street Tarot blog, The Night Teacher. The final drafted was done well before my illness started and was posted on this website around three weeks ago. Sure enough, something needed to be fixed and I edited and republished the piece. In addition, the creative juices of mine started to trickle through and this zombie blog came into being. My inner world was coming more alive.

For sure, my attitude towards smoking marijuana has changed, somewhat, with the realization “pot”is a tool to bring my inner and outer states into balance. Before this epiphany weed was a constant companion. I over used it. Marijuana has a few down sides. For those people who are allergic to it one puff can be dangerous and even fatal. Some people get paranoid since smoking releases negative thoughts and memories, which can overload the emotions, drain you of self-confidence, and put you in a spin-cycle of rehashing bad decisions, sad experiences, and scary outcomes over and over again. We also have to discuss the "munchies”. Weed can fire up the taste buds. Unfortunately, it becomes a bottomless pit to feed the appetite. On the other hand, in zombie world you don't eat much and don’t desire sweet things, including desserts, which was one positive feature.

I am reminded of the tarot card, Temperance. It represents moderation, equilibrium, and when "death is no longer feared, body and soul can integrate with one another, creating balance and a centered self in the midst of moving energies" - from the Motherpeace Tarot Deck. Usually, it shows an angelic being pouring water from one jug into another. Alister Crowley’s Thoth Tarot deck addresses the deeper meaning of this card. He labeled it "Art", and in collaboration with the artist, Lady Frieda Harris, it highlights the creative process where something new emerges from a mixture of opposites demonstrated in the colorings and symbols. The image on their card is of a medieval alchemist dressed in green. There are two different sides to her face as she pours the elements of fire in one hand and water from the other into a large caldron. Whether the name is Art or Temperance this card represents the courage to be measured but also to try new ways of integration. Balance can occur when you couple pain and sorrow with artistic expression. For example; sadness if aligned with music can produce a tune in the "Blues"genre, or a country ballad, and so on.

A traditional deck is numbered from 0-21. The Temperance card is the 14th or XIV in the Suit of Trump. However, I prefer the tarot’s association with the Hebrew alphabet which goes from 1-22. The 15th letter is Samech who symbolically means psychological support, such as to help someone who falls into depression, which includes yourself. This letter can also refer to a physical prop such as a ladder. Access to your inner world can bolster you in the outer, everyday work world and provide guidance for transformative decision making or to develop creative ideas into successful enterprises. The way you access this internal universe is personal, subjective, and ultimately your choice, however, achieving harmony is a key. To learn more check out this website’s Street Smarts page.

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